i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
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