He is such a slut. More and more my type.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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