Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
