just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
