Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
