Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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