Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
