my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
