Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
