K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize