Well douche your snatch and let's go!
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
