shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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