Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
