how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
