I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize