How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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