she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
