Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize