I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We just shotgunned beers for America
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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