You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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