My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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