He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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