Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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