I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
