Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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