Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
