Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Omg I joined a choir last night...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
