Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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