Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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