I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
