I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You ruined the universe
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
