if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize