The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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