Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
