i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
