so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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