You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
There are leaves in my underwear?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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