look no pants
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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