My room smells like vodka and shame
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
