I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
There's always time for handjobs
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
