I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
