Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It's blow job season.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I had to cum in my sink.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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