i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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