On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
