I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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