Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
