I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
