so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
All the doctor said was why
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
