Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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