Got a toothbrush?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
