1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
