So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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