To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
