I like to think it a success when the cops are called
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
