I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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