I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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