Jerry, you need to find god
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
ugly people sure do ruin things
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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