I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Randomize
