Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
