So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize