About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
