I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
