Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
