absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
