I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize