all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
