just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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