Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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