you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
