Sry I called you an 8
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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