What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
