I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
