I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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