I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
