im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize