my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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