You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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