i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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