hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
