Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
