My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
