So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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