the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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