think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Also, beer. Big fan.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
