nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
