In the future we'll all be gay
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
