Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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