Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You're completely useless in the revolution.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
