i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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