yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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