i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
so let's talk penis.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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