Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
