I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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