did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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